Three weeks ago, I reunited with a chilhood friend. He turned 30 this evening and I was invited to his birthday party. I was happy to find another one of our common friends who was in primary school with me. He became an artist, making videos, art and editing. I cannot really remember hanging out with him at the time yet, it is so precise in my head how we all used to be so close, to share these childhood moments, to basically grow up together.
Sharing theses extraordinary moments of childhood are the most wonderful gift creating everlasting links.
I’ve been reminiscing the past these days. Maybe while confronted to this situation tonight, I realized how I missed the innocence of childhood, the beauty of the constant amazement, the shared imagination, our hopes for a peaceful future, a future of Love, excitement, laughter and bliss. I remember how friendship would be so strong it would be our world, our glory. All these sleepovers you had to fight for, all these common pleasures we cherished : making up stories, recording theatrical scenes on an old cassette, playing witches and making magic potions, dreaming of being a psychic, becoming a private detective after watching the X-Files, hunting for clues, making scenarios out of tiny details, playing Rayman in 2D and other million things I cannot recall.
It’s so refreshing to relive all these cherished moments.
They come back so easily when you are amongst these people from your past. It’s so invigorating! Looking back I can also recall how time would pass so slow. You would take such a longtime to walk the stairs of life. Each step feeling like a lifetime.I’m crying of melancholia while writing this piece. I’m crying of not being able to see the world through my childish eyes anymore. Even though I keep trying to live in the moment, keeping my inner-child aware and staying goofy, I have been stamped by life experiences. My mother told me something I didn’t really processed last week. I can tell you how it perfectly resonates now. She said I have had so many experiences; I have lived so many different lives, that maybe my mind cannot settle down anymore, maybe I can no longer stabilize my thoughts and cannot deal with reality.
I’m an experience seeker. Traveling, discovering and meeting new people is my adrenaline.
Yet, I’m so disgusted by Adulthood. This Adult figure you were supposed to respect, to look up to. These grownups suck. Each time I want to socialize and meet new people in “real” life (not over the internet, which I’ve been doing lately), I instantly begin judging when they drink too much, when they make fun of others, when they are loud in order to impress, when they brag about taking drugs or having a fortune … I need straightforward encounters, genuine people and profound conversations. I realized even though I don’t always initiate them I still magnetize people with that precise energy. My childhood friend’s younger brother was here this evening. He told me about this book on MBTI (French accronym I guess) a technic invented to characterize which type of person we are (introvert, extravert, dominant…). It’s rare to find this type of conversation in a bar, in a nightclub or social settling. Nevertheless, I always end up having these deep discussions, very stimulating for my brain.
Nonetheless, sometimes I just wish I could enjoy drinking and simply smile while gazing at this adult world freed from any judgements. That would be enough to feel unchained from my overanalyze and my fervor for writing everything.
MonPetitLA 