Half an hour ago, I was staring at myself in the mirror looking into my tired tearful eyes and realized I might as well become blind after watching the News on TV at a friend’s place (which, I never normaly do). I had this thought for a few seconds; do blind people think differently?

Lately, I’ve been blinded in my professional and private lives. I’ve took in way more than what I could handle, I have let people in too easily, opened my arms to strangers, listened to their stories, invested into doomed relationships and now, I’m exhausted. I feel my body aching after this past year of excitement, pursuing my lifelong dreams, the big picture painted into my brain since I was a little human being.

I am affected. I am severely affected, shocked and sad. I am afflicted with our species. All these violent terrorist attacks against our Humanity are deeply consuming me.

In these tough moments we tend to keep things into perspective, to tell ourselves our lives are so short, we should live to the fullest. Living the present moment and all these Carpe diem philosophies. Nevertheless, for some unknown reasons, I cannot find a meaning anymore. I am listening to my inspirational song and I still feel blessed I can hear these soothing notes and sounds. I am grateful for everything I have in life, I just don’t understand the sense of all of it.

I’ve experienced so much in the past years; I feel I’ve lived 8 lives already. I keep on getting on my feet over and over again. Is it because of my turning 30 in a few weeks? Is it because of all this nonsense in this world? Is it because I am too sensitive, too complicated, too difficult, never satisfied? I’m just too tired to try to understand, to force myself, to give, to love, to try over, when everything is so ephemeral. I can’t stand Butterflies and I can’t stand its metaphor.

From now on, I choose to feel less, to be careful, to control, to think before I act. I choose to Live with caution when everyone is advertising the famous “LET GO” motto. I tried it so many times, I live by it, I sleep on it, I run with it, breathe it, fly it, connect with it, love with it, meet with it … and now, I’m so sick of it! I want to take reasonable decisions and be able to open up my eyes. I hate this feeling of blindness and I dislike every unpredictable emotion. I want to take time for ME, take care of ME and share the rest with valuable people I deeply love.

I love how the new generation copes with its emotions. It’s all about communicating, sharing, posting, reposting, tagging, … which I’m about to do pretty soon by publishing this article online. So, are we doomed to become blind and to close our eyes to the realm of our beauty? Would it just be too intense to deal with? Would it be too adventurous to allow ourselves to focus on one thing at a time?

We are butterflies showing off our beautiful, marvelous wings yet; we are gone in a split second. We don’t need to grow; we need to feel Now and with Intensity. Perseverance, patience and construction are far-gone.

Let’s all open our wings and fly away … To the blue-sky of Maturity.