A stream of serenity is running through my veins. I have taken important decisions the past few months. I ended a relationship, which wasn’t going anywhere, as well as a job that didn’t reflect my personality. It takes a lot of courage and I should be proud of having done something about it.

I tend to get influenced about events occurring and opportunities knocking at my door. For instance, if someone tells me I should freelance doing X, I just jump right into it (without really giving it a second thought). It allows a selection of many paths and rebirths since I don’t stay “stuck” into something. I was recently told I had a scanner spirit, which means I commit to nothing because I’m interested in everything. It’s also tough for me to focus and stay concentrated when there are no constraints. I need to be free and love calling myself a life freelancer. Nevertheless, I cannot center my attention when there is no authority. It has nothing to do with passion, it has to do with responsibility and true will. I have to start willing, keeping promises to myself in order to reach my goals.

What do I truly love? What could I be doing that would represent me 100%?

Maybe it is becoming a full-time yoga instructor or a life coach? Working in an environment where I could make people grow, change their lives in small ways. I need to commit to one thing and give it my all. If I can succeed in something I’m not passionate about, what would happen if I put all my energy into something I adore?

I am in the plane heading back to Paris from Vienna where I visited Chloé. Chloé is an inspiration for me. She is genuine and strong. I learnt so much about her personality during this weekend. She told me she had been very sick with lung disease when she was 12 and had to be hospitalized for a year. After that, she felt very weak having trouble breathing. She became claustrophobic and realized it was due to her illness only 6 years after at the age of 18. I loved listening to her past, how she felt and dealt with it. It is so inspiring to get to really know someone. She married Robert last year. I am honored having been invited to this beautiful wedding, it means a lot to me. I met Chloé in NYC in 2005, we’ve now known each other for 10 years and our friendship grows fonder.

Sharing feelings and memories with another individual is the key to solidifying a relationship.

During my brief stay, I brought my two phones and my computer with me. I had things to finish (to start actually) for my freelance work. Coming up with a project manager offer for this website, applying for jobs, looking for a NYC apartment. For some reason, I felt guilty not focusing more. All these things could have been taking care of before I left. I brought my happiness and serenity with me as well as my anxieties. Anxious about the future, anxious about which job I was going to apply to, in which direction I would chose to go. Taking this burden with me in Vienna was a bad idea and I didn’t even realize it. I disturbed Chloé twice while she was having a very serious phone call with her husband in order to get access to Wifi. I had to post no matter what, I stressed out setting up deadlines for things that could wait until Monday.

Having a true friend is the most amazing thing you can have in your life.

A friendship that is cleared and transparent where there is no bullshit, no lies and no superficiality. Where each one says how they feel without fearing any judgment. This kind of relationship and love is pure gold. When you hold it you should cherish it and give to the other person. Before focusing on finding a soul mate, it is important to be able to build a healthy friendship with someone. If you cannot give to a friend, you’ll never be able to be serene in any love relationship. You must give without hoping to get back. You have to give with no efforts. Karma will do the rest. I loved that Chloé confronted me before I left. I admire her courage for telling me I was losing myself over connected in the digital world, over focusing on superficial things such as checking my emails all the time, updating my Instagram … what is striking is that I got angry and defensive when she confessed she was concerned for my happiness. I felt she was wrong all the way, she didn’t know who I was and got misled. The truth is she was right! I had been impolite not disconnecting 100% although I was visiting her for only two days. I was proud to recognize it, to apologize and to start introspecting about it.

Was I over connected? Was I trying to hide something?

Yes! Being aware is primordial. One should always listen to others who mean well and accept us for who we are. I learnt I was losing myself again … I had decided to focus on my creative work and helping others. Was I still on the right path? Making choices in life is tough. Although I act rapidly when I find myself imprisoned in a situation not corresponding to my true self, I still dive into these situations. I should try learning from my mistakes and concentrate.

Each tiny choice you make during the day leads to who you become.

By building awareness and deepening your inner self-study, one could avoid spoiling energy and time. Mistakes are good, so are failures, nevertheless repeating the same ones is a waste and tends to affect your soul. Going with the flow is not always the best solution. Sometimes saying “yes” to everything leads to more trouble. For instance, giving a guy a shot “just to see how it goes” isn’t true to myself anymore since I know how to recognize a deep connection, which could evolve in something powerful. The same applies to work and activities. Stop saying “yes” to everything that comes my way.

I have to start taking my destiny in my own hands, accepting I can make mistakes even if I choose my own path. Letting go of the belief my life has been written in a book and I’m following each chapter, accepting them by turning the pages each one at the time. I have to start writing my own story adding illustrations, intense colors and metaphors. Not being afraid to erase some from time to time and tearing up a page or 2 two …

… I will at last be in control and be proud of who I chose to become while writing my own masterpiece.

Namaste,

Yvonne Pearl