1- Loving Oneself

I am listening to this specific song and I can remember partying like a maniac, waiting in line just so I could move my body. I have always wanted people to look at me, to think I was pretty and that I could dance well. Being the center of attention was my number one goal. I don’t know maybe it’s because I was born a Leo. This strong desire remains, I need people to listen to what I have to say, I need to lead, to make people laugh and smile. Why? Because I want them to love me.

This desire to be loved can be mistaken sometimes. Let’s be honest, no one can ever love you more than you can love yourself.

Sadly, it’s getting very difficult these days. The most important thing I’ve learnt reading psychological, self-improvement books is that you need to love yourself before you can have any healthy relationships with anyone; being a friend, a family member or a love partner. I also believe in a disenchanting world where no prince charming, no love story can last forever. Which is fine with me. Is it really?

I’m listening to my Dad’s favorite song now. For some reason, it’s truly this song that reminds me of my childhood and these sweet moments with my father. I achieved a lot this year and changed the way I looked at my relationship with him. I decided to change, stop judging and let go of the bad vibes. I decided to live the moment … and start loving myself.

2- Stopping Time

I need TIME. But (and the but is important here), TIME isn’t time anymore if you mention its name.

Time = the fact that you are saying or reading this word is actually the notion of time itself. During this split second while you read or understood its meaning and spelling, which then connected to your brain, time has elapsed already. When I said I needed more time, it refers to its notion. Having more time and wanting more time is usually what I hear the most (we talk about it and mention it differently). I believe it’s because we start thinking about “needing more time” that we are then trapped in this continuous fatality spiral. The end, death or the thought that we cannot move until something exterior awakens us. It’s very sad and I don’t want this life. Whatever it takes, I will fight and will always be a rebel. I often observe people who have a stable job, various obligations, putting money aside, building a family, a home… Trust me, I also want this at some point, it’s just that I need to feel in control of my life. I need to be FREE.

2- Freeing your Mind

 (Get this inspiring book by Krishnamurti “Freedom from the Known”)

Why is it that I cannot stay still? Lately, my head is constantly in search of a stimulus. In books, art exhibits, everyday discoveries and conversations.

I have this deep pleasure when it comes to meeting someone, in particular an individual that has nothing in common with me. I love to try to understand the person I am talking to. It’s fundamental for me and I feel serene afterwards. I rarely sense bad vibes coming from the other person unless I’m in a bad mood myself. I don’t know if this phenomenon is linked to my own pursuit of happiness or if it’s just my curiosity. I feel every human being on this planet has always some “little good” within. Unfortunately, our Society is destroying many of the core values and essential traits we had growing up. As children, we were full of innocence, curiosity and we were certainly living in the moment without having to meditate or concentrate on it. We were spontaneous.

Looking around, I can see that as adults, we judge, we dislike, we compare, we despise. I reminisce being a child, I reminisce playing and thinking the days would never end, the summer vacations felt like years. I remember imagining my own worlds inside reality. I remember laughing and not focusing on what people would say or do. I remember saying whatever I felt or wanted to share. Why are we so different now? Why do we grow up and turn into ghosts? Yes, the word is harsh but I have been looking around, analyzing, experiencing the adult life and I do not fit in.

Let’s put it this way : I have a creative mind that needs space, motivation, harmony and deep conversations. I need to function at my own pace in order to produce something amazing, I need to exercise, to do yoga, to cook my food, to share my thoughts, to listen to others and try to help or give them advice.

I was truly serene after I fasted for more than 10 days. Yoga everyday and cardio exercises were the best combination with my healthy diet. I also didn’t care of whom I could meet, talk to and other people’s judgment. I was free…

Freedom is the most important. It defines us and makes us who we are. Our freedom is our soul. There are thousands different kinds of freedoms. I always loved how it’s glorified in many cultures. Pick the French “Liberté Egalité Fraternité”, the Statue of Liberty or the U.S. Constitution. We talk about liberty of thought, freedom of speech, religion, movement … Did we ever talk about our FREEDOM? The subjective freedom and how we would define it? If someone defines it for us, isn’t it a way to suppress that freedom in a certain way?